Best of Craig's List Post

I found this on the Best of Craig's List. It's an anonymous post from Minneapolis. I really don't know anymore than that. It's a big reminder about why I'm training and raising money. It also makes all of my aches & pains feel so very trivial.

Title: Cancer

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Date: 2006-03-14, 11:08AM CST


You know what sucks? Cancer. I hate it.

See, while technically 'cancer free' for the past several months, I still feel the effects of $236,000 in treatment. I'm only 29, but I get out of breath so easily, exercise is so tough. It's a pure hell to me.

I mean all I had was Non-hodgkins lymphoma. That's the Cancer you want to pick if someone says "You have to get cancer, now pick one". 8 months of having toxic chemicals pumped through my veins... A catheter in my heart... A scar and 3 tattoos to remind me about what I went to, though I can't ever forget.

My biggest downfall is I handle it all in stride outside. When I was rushed to the HCMC ER, almost unable to breathe, a tumor the size of a dinner plate inter-twined around my heart and lungs, pressing against them. I thought I had pneumonia. After all, for a month or so I had the sniffles, a cough, a weird rash on my arms and horrible horrible night sweats. I'd easily miss 2 day sof work a week, so tired I can't move.

The doctors, well several oncologists, enter the room and quietly tell me I have cancer. I think they expected me to freak out when I simply looked at them calmly and said "Ok. Let's take care of it". And I think it bothered them a tad when I made the joke "Hey, at least I'll lose some weight now!".

But I didn't. The prednisone steroid made me nauseous, so I had to eat a little bit all the time. The chemo destroys any fast dividing cells, like taste buds, so cherry laffy taffy became my comfort food (And I have yet to eat it since I got better!). I think I destroyed a really good relationship that occurred at the wrong time, with a woman I love very deeply. Radiation wasn't bad. In fact, compared to 6 hours in the Oncology unit for chemo it was a breeze - 15 mins and out. Quick and painless. Free parking. Good deal.

It's been months, and I'm still so tired. My sleep schedule is destroyed - I'm up 40 hours, then sleep 18. Or maybe I'll be in bed by 10 every night this week. Or maybe not. I want to exercise, but it's so hard - I can do so little. And at 6'1", 280 lbs I look like I should do a lot more. More then being winded by half a flight of stairs.

It also sucks, because I don't know who I can talk to about it. People think it's so hard... It wasn't, it's just a different struggle... But they hear the C word and think the worse... I never thought I was going to die. I found out later I was a week tops from dying from my tumor.. But I just knew it wasn't my time. I remember saying that to my girlfriend, tears welling up in my eyes... It's not my time. It's not my time.

But the results, the shell of a man I'm left with.. Maybe I did die. Maybe emotionally and spiritually succumbed to the cancer. I don't know any more. I go to work, clean my apartment, I do the things people do - but I'm hollow inside. I'm missing something and I don't know what it is.

I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I'm a lot of things.... What I'm not is the old me. I miss the old me... I hope I come back

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I really wish I could send this man a note, but I can't. I'm sure you do to. But what we can do is raise more money for research and patient services. Donate today! Click here: http://www.active.com/donate/tntsvmb/tntsvmbBTucker1

Thank you again everyone for supporting me in this journey!

Keeping It Together??

I had a nice test in maintaining my composure in the face of hardship prior to Sunday's long ride, and failed miserably! Sunday's saga began Saturday night.

Saturday night Tom & I watched a movie I'd been wanting to see for a while, Dancer in the Dark. It's an amazing movie from 2000, starring Bjork, for which she received a best actress Oscar nomination. She deserved the nomination. It's a powerful movie.

As some of you know, I am a crier. I admit I have cried during commercials, not very often, but it has happened. Well, this movie touched a chord, or maybe an entire composition in me, and I ended up crying through most of the movie. And afterwards talking about it, and again in the morning remembering it. So I was a bit dehydrated and discombobulated heading to Sunday's ride. I was also late.

I made it to Santa Cruz just in time and was dressed, bike prepped and heading to the pre-ride announcements, when I locked my keys & helmet in the car. Did I remain calm, cool & collected? As I'm trained to do? As I do successfully almost every day at work answering upset customers? Of course not! I cried again, I barked at my teammate Holger, I had a pity-party for myself. Thankfully, the rest of the Team took off on the 60 mile ride without me embarrassing myself further.

My teammate Kimberly generously called AAA for me and gave me her card. Coach Kristin loaned me her phone and I called Tom for more pity. AAA eventually arrived and unlocked my car for me. (I did not cry in front of the AAA guy!)

After comtemplating going home and going back to bed, or doing a short run or quitting, I decided to suck it up, quit being a cry-baby (literally!) and go ahead and do the ride by myself. I reminded myself that I'm training for an Ironman, race day will be a lot harder than this! The route was up Hwy 1 from Natural Brides to Bean Hollow State Beach and back: about 62 miles round trip. I've done it by myself before so it really wasn't a big deal other than my frazzled state.

I'm really happy I did it! I had a great ride. It was a gorgeous sunny day, the notorious headwind was a crosswind instead, and traffic was light for a Sunday. I ended up doing the whole thing in 3:45 and averaged 16.5 mph. I was able to catch up to some of my teammates after I turned around which felt good. I was able to apologize to Holger again when I got back, too.

So my teammate gave me great support in my hour of need and I am very thankful for it. You guys are the best! THANKS!

Planet Granite

Two of my Ironteammates, Nicole & Holger, hosted a rock climbing fundraiser on March 16th at Planet Granite. I took Robert and it was a "rock"in' good time! (pun intended!)

What a great workout too. I couldn't believe how much my forearms and fingers hurt the next day. No wonder climbers are ripped!

Robert was a natural on both the climbing walls and bouldering. He's always loved bouldering. As a little boy, he used to scare the Dicken's out of me on just about every hike we took. I hope we can go again soon!


Roping in with Robert.

Getting ready to climb.

Racing Matt!






Here are more photos of the fun:

http://fotoalbum.web.de/gast/holger.pils/Climbing_Planet_Granite_Mar-16/

Don't let the German intimidate you, it's easy to figure out.

BOOTCAMP!

boot camp noun
1. A training camp for military recruits.
2. A correctional facility that uses the training techniques applied to military recruits to teach usually youthful offenders socially acceptable patterns of behavior.
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Ironteam Bootcamp lived up to the definition! Our bootcamp was a two-day training odyssey combined with the North Bay Ironteam.

Warning: this is a loooonnnng post!

The purpose was:
DAY I: PRIMARY GOAL-Emphasis on food intake while having continuous activity.
SECONDARY GOAL-maintain pace without bonking or having to slow down.

DAY II: PRIMARY GOAL-Emphasis on food intake while having continuous activity.
SECONDARY GOAL-Negative split the day - pace will increase

Each day was a seven (7) hour workout of swimming, running, spinning, riding, run drills, core strengthing, hill repeats, & water running. That's 14 hours in case you weren't counting! We had one 30 minute break on Saturday, and that was it! It was a tough two days but I made it through. About 12:30 on Sunday I had some GI issues but was able to finish the workouts. I think I need to take more enduralytes every hour than I have been. I didn't achieve the negative split for the day.

Although it was a tough two days, it was actually fun too. Having so many teammates makes any workout fun. (well almost any workout. . .) There was great commaraderie and people helped each other out with gear & food & encouragement. We had beautiful, sunny weather both days! I'm not sore from the weekend which really surprises me!

Saturday morning teammate Matt & I carpooled up to Treasure Island together and that was an odyssey in itself. We had to stop on Hwy 85 to re-attach my bike to Matt's car rack (scary!) Then we tried to find gas in Brisbane (the City of Stars) but it's a town with no gas! We finally found a gas station off in San Francisco. Needless to say we were late and missed the swim portion. Not an auspicious start.

When I got home Saturday at 5:00 pm, it was all I could do keep my eyes open. After a shower, I caught a second wind & was able to get my gear together for the next day. Tom cooked me the perfect big-workout-recovery-and-preparation-for-another-dinner of roast chicken, brown rice & spinach salad. It was such a lovely treat to not worry about fixing food for myself. He was recovering from his own 60 mile ride & seven mile run and getting ready for a swim & ride the next day in Santa Cruz.

Sunday I was on time! Yay! It was another sunny day and the warmest workout weather we've had all season so far. I used sunscreen for the first time this spring. The swim was great but I could feel how tired my muscles were once I got on my bike. The ride out to Los Gatos and up Shannnon was beautiful, but it felt v. different than a normal Sunday ride. I think "fatigue" took on a whole new meaning for me on Sunday. I forgot to make up my standard PB & honey sandwiches for the day, thank goodness Matt still had one of mine in his bag from yesterday. My mentor, Christy, gave me an orange that was a great boost while spinning in the afternoon. I really love oranges, they are the best! I don't remember oranges tasting this good during soccer games when we were little.

Not having a lunch break was a little strange. I had to plan when I could eat the sandwich (not before running!) and when to eat a bar or gel or just drink my carbohydrate/protein mix instead. I did pretty well energy wise but the GI thing worries me. I need to work on that.

The mantras I learned from my first tri coach, Steve K, were "drink before you're thirsty; eat before you're hungry" AND "drink every 15 minutes, eat every 30 minutes". It's worked well for me so far. I gauge the amounts based on how long I'm going. My Ironcoach, Mike W, recommends we consume roughly 300 calories per hour. It sounds strange that it's necessary to practice eating & drinking, but it's really important. I'm still figuring out what works best for me.

I think almost everyone's seen the Gatorade TV ad with Chris Leigh from Australia staggering towards the finish line at Ironman Hawaii. I really don't want that to happen to me.

Here's a detailed schedule of what we did throughout the weekend-- if you really want to know!

Day 1 - Treasure Island
PRIMARY GOAL-Emphasis on food intake while having continuous activity.SECONDARY GOAL-maintain pace without bonking or having to slow down.
8:00-8:15 Briefing
8:15-9:00 Swim -ALL TEAM
9:00-9:15 Transition -ALL
9:15-10:00 (A)Bike on trainers/(B)Run Drills
10:00-10:45 (A)Run Drills/(B)Bike on trainers
10:45-11:00 prep for lunch-ALL
11:00-11:30 Quick lunch-ALL
11:30-11:45 (B)Saddle up or (A)sneaker up
11:45-12:30 (B)Bike on the road(40 minutes)/(A)Running hill repeats (35 minutes)
12:30-1:15 (B)Running hill repeats (35 minutes)/(A)Bike on the road (40 minutes)
1:15-2:00 (A)Spinnerval single leg and slow cadence hard gear/(B)Core training
2:00-2:45 (A)Core Training workout/(B)Spinnerval single leg and slow cadence hard gear
2:45-3:00 Stretch
Depart by 3:15 PM

Day 2 - Gunderson High School, San Jose.
PRIMARY GOAL-Emphasis on food intake while having continuous activity.
SECONDARY GOAL-Negative split the day - pace will increase
8:00 - Workout Brief
8:15 - 9:15: All Swim - 60 min
9:15-9:30: Transition to tri clothes for bike and run
9:30-10:30: Group A: 60 min ride on the road, Group B: 60 min run on the trail
10:30-11:30: Group A: 60 min run on the trail, Group B: 60 min ride on the road
11:30-12:00: Group A: 30 min spin drills, Group B: 30 min track/strength drills
12:00-12:30: Group A: 30 min track/strength drills, Group B: 30 min spin drills
12:30-1:00: Group A: 30 min spin drills, Group B: 30 min track workout
1:00-1:30: Group A: 30 min track workout, Group B: 30 min spin drills
1:30-1:40: All transition to swim gear
1:40-2:10: Group A: 30 min swim, Group B: 30 min water run
2:10-2:40: Group A: 30 min water run, Group B: 30 min swim

Corned Beef O Rama

While running with Nicole at Tuesday night spin the week before St. Patrick's Day, and lamenting how pathetic my fundraisings been so far, I had a whack on the side of the head: have a St. Patrick's Day fundraiser! It was a quickly pulled together do and I emailed out invitations a week prior for "Corned Beef O Rama" in the Irish Ghetto (my house).

For the remarkable price of $17 I cooked up: Corned beef (duh!), cabbage, potatoes, green beer, Guiness & ghetto-fabulous door prizes. What more do people need?

18 people came and I made almost $300 to add to my fundraising (only $5,000 to go!). I had a good time and it was pretty easy to put together. It was fun catching up with people I haven't seen for awhile. I printed out maps to downtown Los Gatos in case people wanted to go out later since the Ghetto needed to close down early. (Ironteam Bootcamp started the following day and I needed to be in the water at Treasure Island at 8:00 am Saturday!) My goal was to be in bed by 11:00 pm. . . a good goal and it would have been nice to have achieved it!

Thank you everyone who came & parted with your greenbacks for a good cause! And a big thank you to Tom for donating one of the Ghetto-phabulous prizes and for helping clean up the Ghetto afterwards!



The odds of winning a "Ghetto-phabulous" door prize were good! Congratulations all of you phabulous winners!

Holger and a fine wine!


Berend wins Green Cytomax, "Who knew?!"


Matt leads a discussion group about US immigration patterns and how to determine "where are you from. . .originally?"


Amanda & Grace